AAAARRRRGGGHHHH Technology!!!!!!!

If you thought I'd fallen off the edge of the planet, in a sense I had! Don't you just love technology. Hamster trouble! All sorted now - I hope. (Everything crossed!) [Climbs down from orange box. - Breathe.]

So, anyway, meanwhile back at the fantasies...

P.S. This last one... Saw an ad for a fizzy drink called Iron Brew. (Scotish) In the ad a lady was putting on a glove, (surgical - she's a nurse) and the caption reads, "I know you've got my last can of Iron Brew, and there's only one place left to look.

See? I'm much calmer, now?

Not Quite Subtitles - But Much Better

I was surfing YouTube (as you do!) and came across a film with loads of my captions. Wow! - I thought. If you want to have nearly fifteen minutes of mine and other people's captions go to You Tube - Chastity Tease Captions (BDSM funny games).

Unless you're a speed-reader, you'll have to pause a lot to read all the captions. Thank you Los80forever for compiling it all, for us.

If you don't fancy the surf, right now, here's a series...

Are You A Worthy Person?

Are you reliable? When you say you're going to do something, do you? (Even small things like, "I'll see you at six." And not five past!) How much of what you say comes true?

Barring the unforeseen, I often feel that a worth of a person can be measured by the percentage of what they say coming true. I don't mean a wish for world peace and an end to poverty and hunger. I mean the everyday things over which we all have absolute control: Meeting someone at an agreed time and place, returning a book or DVD, and keeping the item in good condition.

Are you a worthy person, deserving of the trust others show you? Then, enjoy...

Truth or dare?

Okay, dare it is. I dare you to monitor how many truths to how many lies you tell others. Make a New Years resolution: up the proportion of truths.

'Tis The Season

I hope you've done all your shopping for the gift giving season. That way you can have a reduced stress event. I know advertisers don't make it easy. Just try to concentrate on the reason for the celebration: Winter Solstice, birth of our Saviour, Festival of Lights, etc., etc. To quote a well known comedian: "May your God go with you". For those of you who are atheists: hope you find an extra bit of happiness in these troubled times.

My gift to you all: some endorphines. Enjoy...

I Can't Explain

Apologies to the 'orible 'ho! I would imagine "Why?" being pretty high on the list of common questions, when it comes to anything fetish. - Leather, Rubber, Bondage, Spanking, Role play BDSM, oh yeah - and a favourite of mine - chastity. To almost quote Tom Alan at The Edge of Vanilla, "My favourite colours are tight and shiny".

I have always encouraged thorough, honest communication between partners. But now? Well, this one is an exception. You can discuss the 'what', but never the 'why'. My advice: Don't even try to explain why. Instead use the following as a pattern for any such conversation...

Vanilla: But why do you like to wear rubber lockable shorts over your chastity belt, that's also locked? And why do they have to be black?

Pervert: I can't tell you. I just do.

Vanilla: You're not making this any easier to understand, you know?

Pervert: Okay. Try this for size. What's your favourite colour?

Vanilla: Deep blue. You know that.

Pervert: Yes I know. But now tell me why?

Vanilla: I... I just like things that are deep blue.

Pervert: You're not making it any easier to understand, you know?

Vanilla: You're telling me that you can't tell me, because it's a matter of taste?

Pervert: I guess that's it. I can't tell you why I like the taste of some food, and hate others, that are maybe just as nutritious. I can't tell you why on a lot of things, but more to the point, neither can you.

Vanilla: So how do I get a better understanding?

Pervert: We can talk about the what, then, if there's things that turn you off, tell me.

Vanilla: So my likes and dislikes are taken into account?

Pervert: Precisely.


...And they lived happily ever after?

My Bums Too Big

It's one of the most useless starts to any conversation (argument) you'll going to have with your loved one. It's usually after you've botched it, and she's no longer talking to you that you think: I wish it went like...

Her: My bum's too big, isn't it?

You: What do you mean?

Her: I'm not attractive with such a big bum.

You: On what basis are you judging?

Her: Basis? It's too big.

You: (sigh) Do you like women? (Nothing wrong if you're bi. I hope you'd be able to tell me, if you were.)

Her: No, of course not. You know I'm not: we've been married for years.

You: Okay. Just stay with me. So, you don't fancy women, right?

Her. (frown) That's right.

You: So the mechanism to judge if a women is attractive - the size of her bum is attractive - to a man isn't part of your makeup, in any way, right?

Her: (deeper frown) Yeah. I suppose. So?

You: Okay, so again, on what basis do you judge? You can't see the size of your bum through my appreciative eyes. And what's more, I'd bop anyone on the nose that said anything derogatory about your bum, or any other part of you, for that matter.

Her: But my bum is still too ...

You: (Bop)

Her: Ow! What was that for? (Grin)

You: (Grin) You were warned.